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Limbo

Limbo

A short reflection this weekend as I have had a mentally chaotic week. Thoughts as of 2/25/24.

Unfortunately, more aspects of my life have been in limbo over the past few months than I would like. I suppose in an ideal world, everything would be more clear-cut and well-defined, but perhaps that would not be an ideal world after all.

We live in a world of uncertainty where the only constant is change; however, I feel like the primary buckets of my life experience across living, working, and relationships, have been far more uncertain than they should be at a steady state.

This uncertainty is particularly debilitating because it makes things difficult to enjoy in the present moment, and also brings with it an immense resistance to confronting the problems and formulating concrete solutions or paths out.

For the former point, I have likened it to a sword of Damocles in that at any given moment from week to week, the rug could be pulled out from under me. At least in the relationship and living sphere, I have found some temporary solace and clarity, but it is not lasting.

In fact, the working part of the equation has the ability to upend nearly every other aspect of my life and introduce a much larger amount of decisions. This, although daunting, I believe is a good thing. I am excited for the change that is to come inevitably, but it is intimidating to draw a line in the sand and make a decision.

I find that the amount I do not want to do something is a good barometer for how important it is. I am desperately avoiding putting effort and deliberate thought into how I want the next few months and years of my life to look, and that is high signal that it is probably the most important thing I could be doing.

The book Hidden Potential recently helped me confront the fact that sometimes when ascending the mountain, it is helpful to descend a bit when you reach an impasse. That is something that I am currently struggling with when it comes to working.

I have put in a lot of time and effort in what I am currently doing, but it has stopped serving my goals. There is a sort of cognitive dissonance at play where I know that this is not what I should be doing, but given I have invested so much time energy and effort, the sunk cost is tangible.

Over the past few days, I have had a look at myself in the mirror and decided to grow up. I am taking seriously the conversations and steps that need to take place to get me from A to B so that I stop complaining and poo-pooing about my current situation.

A ship at rest cannot be steered, and so I need to make some progress and move forward, no matter how slow or how aggressively my monkey mind tries to distract me with shiny objects.

This post is a summary of those feelings and forcing me to put my thoughts into words. I am aware that the time spent writing this could be spent on more productive tasks like actually solving the problem or thinking about the path in greater detail, but I figure it is better than a mindless scroll.

So cut me some slack, okay?
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